UK Invasion of Norway: A Business Case

With every passing month it’s becoming ever clearer that Britain is stuffed. Radical solutions are called for.

We know that Norway’s Sovereign oil fund currently stands at £259,000,000,000 pounds, more than enough to cover both Britain’s £178 billion budget deficit AND the interest payments on the £1.5 trillion national debt.

Let’s look at the business case for invading Norway.

The UK could easily defeat Norway’s small navy and army (see photo above for what we are up against). It would keep the soldiers returning from Afghanistan busy. And it would stop Scottish nationalists bleating on about Norway being the country they most admire – after the annexation, Norway would then become part of Britain and the Scots can go there any time they like. We would then possess nearly all of the remaining North Sea oil reserves. If we dressed it up as a Union rather than an annexation, we could even adopt Norway’s membership of the EEA and the EFTA as its successor state, allowing the UK to fast-track its exit from the EU.

After the invasion, there would be no need for an extended occupation. The Norwegians are essentially friendly (see picture above again) and intelligence reports confirm they could be kept happy with cheap beer and porn, which, as those of you who have been there will know, are as rare as rocking horse shit. And wasn’t Quisling a Norwegian? They pretty much invented collaboration.

Of course, a pretext for war would be required, perhaps invoking anti-terrorism legislation, like we did for Iceland. But as the current Iraq Enquiry shows, coming up with elaborate excuses for war is still something we Brits do rather well and for which we can all still be justly proud.

Unthinkable isn’t it – one European country using another's oil-wealth to dig itself out of debt.

Of course, that would never happen.