Thursday, April 15, 2010

Mixed Reaction to Irish Oil Discovery

News that several massive oil fields have been discovered off the west coast of Ireland has been met by a curiously mixed response from the Irish public, despite conservative estimates the fields may yield a thirty year windfall of up to £12 billion a year in tax revenues alone.

The reaction of the Irish has left many business analysts puzzled, with initial polls indicating that many in Ireland do not feel their country has the ability to exploit the resource.

"Just look at what happened to Scotland,” said a resident of Limerick. “They’re Celts too and look what it's done for them. Nothing! They completely buggered up the whole opportunity. They’ve had oil for over thirty years and there are now parts of Glasgow poorer than the fekkin Gaza Strip! It’s done them no good at all. We’d only do the same. What the hell does Ireland want with oil anyway?”

Others, however, were more bullish in outlook, with a spokesman at the Irish chamber of commerce expressing enthusiasm at news of the discovery:

“All this nonsense about Scotland getting poorer in spite of its oil is just that - nonsense! There are parts of Scotland that have done very well indeed from it, and we can do the same, ” said the source. “Look at the hotels around Aberdeen, for example – they've done a roaring trade and when the big fancy oilmen start arriving, our hotels will do well too. And did I mention our taxi trade? They’ll do a grand job running the big-shot oil execs back and forward to the airport. We might even have to expand the taxi rank at the airport to cope with the extra traffic. And there'll be hundreds of jobs making tea and sandwiches for all the oil fellas. Don’t you worry, we’ll do Ireland proud.”

In the latest development, it is believed a number of B&B, taxi and catering bosses are to fly in from Aberdeen to advise their Galway counterparts on how best to make the most of the forecast business boom.

There are also reports that Irish politicians are assembling a committee to approach London for assistance.

“It’s lucky we still have our relationship with England from colonial times,” said an unnamed Irish Government source. “Everybody knows it was only English expertise that allowed Scotland to finally get at its oil. We’re going to have to get the English in early, so we don’t stuff this up like the stupid Scots did. It’s way too big to handle by ourselves.”

A British Government source has confirmed that London has reluctantly accepted the Irish request for assistance.


Conan the Librarian™ said...


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scunnert said...

Well the Irish always were realists.

OutLander said...

Conan & Bugger

Glad you liked it.

OutLander said...

Indeed, Scunnert.

Anonymous said...

LOL...another satirical masterpiece.
Don,t know if you are interested but I wrote a blog about oil, as its seems its NOT a fossil fuel after all and it might actually be a sustainable fuel supply!!! Old North sea oil fields are REFILLING!!!!!
NOT something that the oil companies or the Unionist Elected dictatorship would want to make public.It would bring down oil profits and give the Scottish Independence movement "fuel"

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OutLander said...

Hi Cuthulan,

Mixed emotions if your research is correct. Good for Scotland, bad for the planet.

It would probably kill any chance we had of stopping climate change. It would completely undermine any economic argument for renewable energy, since oil is not running out after all.

I can see why the oil companies would want to keep this quiet. God forbid the oil price should drop.

And God help the Caribbean if that Gulf of Mexico oil spill is endless.

OutLander said...

Thanks Anon.

LOL. I'll be sure to pass that on to the big oil fellas.

Anonymous said...

Yes I agree , it would not do the environment any good. But I do not see it effecting CLEAN renewables that much.
As for "Climate Change (the artist formaly know as Global Warming)"
Its a CON!
The climates changes everyday its called the weather. The last ice age ended in Europe when the population was about 50!
Planet Earth has gone from snowball to hot house and back , all without mankinds interference.
Who is going to pay the Carbon tax for the US and UK military carbon footprint in Afghanistan and Iraq? Who will pay the carbon tax for the icelandic volcano?
Who is going to stop cows farting?
REAL ENVIRONMENTALISM is being ignored thanks to fake enivironmentalism like CLIMATE CHANGE!!
There is NO AMOUNT of Tax that will stop carbon emissions(volcanos etc) and carbon emissions are the least of our pollutants to worry about. More CO2 means bigger plants converting more CO2 into O2!!!
GM crops and toxins in our food chain are much more dangerous and we CAN DO something about these things.