News that several massive oil fields have been discovered off the west coast of Ireland has been met by a curiously mixed response from the Irish public, despite conservative estimates the fields may yield a thirty year windfall of up to £12 billion a year in tax revenues alone.
The reaction of the Irish has left many business analysts puzzled, with initial polls indicating that many in Ireland do not feel their country has the ability to exploit the resource.
"Just look at what happened to Scotland,” said a resident of Limerick. “They’re Celts too and look what it's done for them. Nothing! They completely buggered up the whole opportunity. They’ve had oil for over thirty years and there are now parts of Glasgow poorer than the fekkin Gaza Strip! It’s done them no good at all. We’d only do the same. What the hell does Ireland want with oil anyway?”
Others, however, were more bullish in outlook, with a spokesman at the Irish chamber of commerce expressing enthusiasm at news of the discovery:
“All this nonsense about Scotland getting poorer in spite of its oil is just that - nonsense! There are parts of Scotland that have done very well indeed from it, and we can do the same, ” said the source. “Look at the hotels around Aberdeen, for example – they've done a roaring trade and when the big fancy oilmen start arriving, our hotels will do well too. And did I mention our taxi trade? They’ll do a grand job running the big-shot oil execs back and forward to the airport. We might even have to expand the taxi rank at the airport to cope with the extra traffic. And there'll be hundreds of jobs making tea and sandwiches for all the oil fellas. Don’t you worry, we’ll do Ireland proud.”
In the latest development, it is believed a number of B&B, taxi and catering bosses are to fly in from Aberdeen to advise their Galway counterparts on how best to make the most of the forecast business boom.
There are also reports that Irish politicians are assembling a committee to approach London for assistance.
“It’s lucky we still have our relationship with England from colonial times,” said an unnamed Irish Government source. “Everybody knows it was only English expertise that allowed Scotland to finally get at its oil. We’re going to have to get the English in early, so we don’t stuff this up like the stupid Scots did. It’s way too big to handle by ourselves.”
A British Government source has confirmed that London has reluctantly accepted the Irish request for assistance.